A Paradox called Acceptance
I’m in my own world, completely happy and sane. They told me “It’s all gonna be okay”. Just Accept the reality, it’s not that bad. But, just imagine someone telling you that they won’t be there after some years, isn’t it devastating to hear that? You’ll continuously start making up extra time and extra energy for them and continuously start living in fear of losing them. In that fear, You’ll start losing the essence of the bond you share and also make them feel that you are pitying them. I know that sooner or later everything will perish. But, I might not be able to accept the fact that I’ll be losing my important ones soon. I always question, What happened to the promise of “always and forever”!?
Is Awareness Acceptance?
There are a lot of issues around me; I ignore many of them. Not that I’m ignorant, but it's just that I’m unprepared to accept the pain the real world will give me. Does that mean, am I not accepting the Reality? I don’t know and I hardly care.
The reality we live in is mostly of theories, laws, and moral dilemmas we have made. I acknowledge that we should be aware of our surroundings and know about the reality we live in. I’m aware of it and I’m ready to know it all. But, is knowing it means accepting it? That’s why I don’t like to understand reality, it is itself so vague and theoretical that why not make our theories? I don’t exactly live in my bubble of imagination. I’ve created my theories around reality itself to make it easy for me to survive. I guess everyone does the same, that's how we survive here.
What if my theories are started to be proven wrong, what if my mind starts to collapse?
Well, I was aware of that fact too and I was relying on my loved ones and now they tell me that they won’t be there. How am I supposed to deal with that? I’m angry and sad and want to hug them now. Just want to tell them that I might not be ready to accept anything going around me. I’m aware of the mere existence of everything around me. It’s like I’m accepting the reality and also rejecting it at the same time! I’m an Ironic being existing in this painful reality. I just wanna hug them tightly and tell them, I don’t know what to understand, what to know, what not to say, how to behave, whom to ask, what to ask.. I don’t wanna know anything. All I want is an embrace, so tight that all my grief finds peace in their arms and all the world’s pain chokes itself before it reaches my neck and all the happiness and glee appears on my face. I’ll shine in sweat and tears, like a glowing Sting ray... Ready to make my way… through the upcoming hardships of life. Will they understand me? Will they stop asking me to understand this reality? Will I get that hug? Will they Accept it or am I chasing an embrace I might not get?
I’m chasing an embrace
Outrunning myself
I’m chasing a solace
I might not getSearching for my reflections
I’m looking in the mirror on the wall
That’s been broken forever
Looking at my fairest face
In those shards, I’m Questioning,
Don’t I deserve it!?
How shall I Accept it?
That… I’m chasing an embrace
I might not get
~Yashaina😉
